Category: Uncategorized
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Reassurance
REASSURANCE is the action of removing someone’s doubts or fears. How does one reassure someone when they are so unassured themselves. My husband has lost everything, his job, his health, his appearance, his ability to take of himself, his self esteem, his strength and that’s just to name a few. It’s hard for me to…
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Praying
PRAYING is easier said than done sometimes. I was at a place a long time ago when I prayed every night and ask for love, protection and well being. I needed God to show me the way. I needed peace in my life back then and couldn’t find it. Joe and I were just embarking…
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53
It’s just a number when you say it. But it’s the number of years I’ve been on this earth. Where did the time go, as I look at the number on my screen I still can’t believe I’m that old. I’m not saying it in a bad way, because in no way, shape or form…
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Inside/Out
This is a conversation I was having today with Joe about looking from your inside out. As the photos show his decline in health and the changes he has went through, he has become so self conscious about the way he looks. He absolutely hates the way he has changed physically. He says if he’s…
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Soul Searching
As I write in this Blog each day I find myself SOUL SEARCHING. I’m sure as most caregivers do, I try to find peace in my world. While I’m caring for Joe I feel that my soul needs to be uplifted, calmed and returned to happiness that once was. I find the calmness here in…
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Watching
WATCHING you from my chair, your eyes, your face the color or your hair. You are not the same as you were before, our life has changed forever more. Life is filled with medication, doctors and tests. There is little time for us to rest. The LVAD is pumping really strong, as we await for…
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Struggle
The STRUGGLE is real on some days for the both of us. Joe lost his job because of the LVAD and we are in limbo with Social Security. We struggle each day how we will make ends meet. We have to swallow are pride and count on our adult children to keep us afloat. With…
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Medications
The MEDICATIONS are an important part of keeping Joe alive, at least that’s what the doctors say. He has quite a few to take each day and night. He takes them faithfully never missing a dose. When he was in the hospital as you all know, I questioned everything little thing including all the side…
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Procedures
PROCEDURES, test, x-rays, LVAD check ups and doctor visits these are some of the things that can consume your whole day. We are no strangers to sitting in the doctors office for hours or going to the hospital for PROCEDURES or testing. It seems for the past few years we have become frequent flyers to…
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Imagine
Some days I try to IMAGINE what Joe is going through, what he feels, how he makes it through the day and just how he does it each day. I IMAGINE it being me with the LVAD attached to my heart and coming out of my abdomen, not being able to shower, not be able…
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Routine
Does a caregiver ever get used to the ROUTINE? Do they all have a routine? Well, I’m not sure about most, but for me I needed a ROUTINE that was going to work for me as well as for Joe. I was so used to him getting up and going to work all day. I…
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Blog & Why
I was asked about why I started a BLOG and what do I get out of it? Well, I needed a canvas for this journey that we were given. I needed an outlet to put my thoughts and emotions into words. I never thought of myself as a writer, even though many people have told…
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Patience
PATIENCE is one thing you have to have in order to be a caregiver to someone whose illness can change every hour of the day. My patience has been tested to the limits the last several months. I can plan things and become so excited to do it and then things take a turn for…
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Alone in my Head
In the wee hours of the morning I sit ALONE IN MY HEAD. Some people will wonder what does that even mean. Well, today as I sit alone in my head it is filled with a lot of scenario’s that play over and over. I imagine a good day with us doing things together that…
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Medical Issues
Years before the LVAD, Joe had medical issues that were a struggle as well. He was diagnosed in 1996 with Hodgkin’s Disease. This is cancer of the lymphatic system. He was given two months to live. He defeated all odds that the doctors gave him and survived over 22 years. He received chemo and radiation…
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Daily Life
We are now living life DAILY. With an LVAD you can’t plan in advance because you will never know what each day will bring. We used to plan out things we were going to do, such as camping, going up north or just going to the drive-in. Now when we want to go we have…
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Just Me
Well, now you know the whole LVAD story and how I became the caregiver. I’m not sure how a lot of caregivers feel, but I know how I feel. I heard just about everything you can imagine, from you better take care of yourself, find time for yourself, make sure you have a back up…
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Caregiver
We are HOME!! We were ready but not ready to be here. I was so scared that something would happen and I wouldn’t know what to do. I knew this new role as Caregiver was going to be demanding. I knew I needed to give Joe my all everyday. I planned it all out in…
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Rehab
The doctors decided it would be best for Joe to go to REHAB first before going home. He definitely needed it at this point. He still wasn’t walking good, he couldn’t get up on his own, he needed help in the bathroom and he couldn’t even dress himself without my help. They predicted it would…
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The LVAD
Left Ventricle Assist Device, THE LVAD. This device would change our lives forever. We had never even heard of it before. It was now in my husband and it would be our new normal way of living. When I say ours, it may be in Joe but it takes the two of us for him…
Unconditional Love 