Have you ever felt OBLIGATED to do something in your life you knew was not the right thing to do, but you did it anyway? This feeling of obligation had me at a crossroad in my life and looking back now I had the opportunity to walk away but I didn’t. I should of deadbolted the door and stood my ground, but the feeling of obligation took over and I turned the knob and opened the door and walked solemnly into what I knew was going to be the downfall of the family unit.

The irrational decision I made forever change things for our lives. At first the decision was made with ill intentions, then it became more clear that what I was doing was for the good of giving someone a place in a family unit. Bringing them in to make them feel loved and fit in. My intentions were changed and the more I believe it was for the good of all of us,. The clearer it became after the fact that my intentions were not in the same place as the person I was letting in. When the door was open the devil appeared. I let him. I made a mistake and there was no turning back. I did this. I was the problem and I needed to fix it. But how?

Letting go was the only way to solve my problem. I had to turn my back, walk into the future and leave this whole mess behind in the past. I gained nothing from my mistake, I lost control of my world. I lost me. I was someone I didn’t even like anymore. This evil had a hold of the ones I love and the only way to end it was to close the door for good.

The obligation I felt was to make a dying wish come true and maybe wishes should be just that, a wish. I became lost fulfilling all his wishes. I’m still catering to his wishes. I feel obligated to make his days more happy on this Earth. I know we are only here for a short time. He’s still here, he’s still fighting each day. I’m still here feeling obligated.

Some days I feel good about making his days happy, other days I feel what about my days here. Am I really happy or just existing. I do basically what I need to do without much thought. But now that I am sixty years old how much time do I really have left? How much can I do in these years that seem to be fading so fast. I want to live my life to the fullest each day, I want so much more, all I can do is pray and follow my heart. There’s always been a plan and this is my life and it’s playing out the way it’s suppose too. Make yourself happy and all will fall into place. This life is too short for anything less. I got this !