Unconditional Love

After the last post about the Phone Call, I am learning to be patient with everyone including myself. I’m a person who needs answers right now. I’m a person who wants things done right now. Even if I seem like I’m calm, easygoing and ready to take on everything, I am not a very patient person.

When I say this, I don’t have patience for the not knowing, I don’t have patience for stupidity, I don’t have patience for not be ready and I definitely don’t have patience for people who don’t want to tell the truth and keep themselves as the victim. Not sure if that makes me a bad person or just someone who needs things to be well oiled and run smoothly. But I am learning that not all people are built this way and I have to be patient and let be what’s going to be.

As I sat in the hospital with my friend yesterday just visiting and not asking questions, I impressed myself with extreme patience. We didn’t talk about her illness. I did ask her what they were going to do about her fractured hip and when she said they are just going to let it heal, I stopped the questions and was just present. I was there just to be her friend, not her advocate. I was just there for moral support. I was there just to visit.

It was one of the most difficult tasks I’ve ever had to do and as hard as it was, I think I managed it well. I was there for two hours or so and we chatted, ate, watched football, I helped her get things from her bags, moved the food tray and just sat there in the room with her to keep her company. After the visit I was pleased with myself and this huge accomplishment, but I was also so empty inside. I left feeling like I needed to know more.

I know deep down she doesn’t want to share the extreme details of her illness and the prognosis of it all, but I’m left feeling empty inside. I feel like she is fighting this alone. She may not feel the same as I do and it saddens me that she won’t let any of us in. The comfort and the knowledge I have could most definitely help with a lot, but I know she doesn’t want to burden me or anyone else for that matter. So as we all embark on this journey of not knowing, it is teaching me a lesson of PATIENCE and maybe it’s one I really needed or it wouldn’t be happening.

Enjoy your time with your love ones and learn to PATIENT for your own sanity. Learn to be KIND and most of all just be there to LOVE them with all your heart. It will be better for everyone in the end. Love you all.