Unconditional Love

On September 4th I received a text message from my my best friend’s daughter, “Mom needs you!” I was at one of my favorite pizzerias getting dinner for us because my son was in town for a few weeks. I responded with What’s up and I already knew the condition she was in had gotten worse, but I had no idea how bad it was until I got there about an hour later.

When I walked in, she was in a wheel chair, looking frail and in obvious pain. She could barely move her right arm and leg. I immediately asked if she thought it was a stroke and as she spoke to me the thought of stroke disappeared because she talked normal and her face was unaffected by her symptoms. Her response was, “NO Krissie,” I didn’t have a stroke and a tear fell to her cheek. I could clearly see my friend of more than thirty years was scared, so I hugged her and said let’s go to the ER and find out what’s happening. She said ok, I’m ready.

As her daughter helped her to the car every imaginable thought was running through my head, was this a pinched nerve that the urgent care diagnosed her with? Is this something worse? Cancer? Brain aneurysm? Possible stroke with no facial affect? Spinal? This is me being Dr. Krissie and thinking of all possible things, checking and rechecking my thoughts. This is one of my traits and having to deal with all of Joe’s medical ongoings. I was assesses her over and over in my head. Praying that it’s nothing serious.

The drive to the hospital had us over thinking, crying and praying. She was scared and so was I because we both knew in our hearts that this was more than a pinched nerve and we prayed that the doctors could figure it out and start on a healing plan. We arrived that Wednesday night to a full waiting room and we were in for a long night, but we knew this was where she needed to be and I was glad to be with her and holding her hand.

We waited almost two hours and they finally came and took her to the back. As we sat waiting for the doctor she kept apologizing for taking me from my family and Joey who was in town to visit. I need to be here and God has me here for a reason. We have always been readily available when we truly needed each other and today was a needed day. I was glad to be here to support my friend and I know she would of dropped everything to be with me.

The doctor assessed her and determined she needed a CT scan of the brain and he felt it was neurological and a possible stroke, but some of the signs just weren’t there so a CT would give more information. Her husband arrived with mine a few hours later and at this point we were waiting for the CT results. I went down to the car while he waited for the results. He came down and needed to run to the store quickly to get something to drink and snacks for the long night ahead. As we returned to the hospital she was calling please get back up here the results are in, he rushed back up and we waited the call.

He came back down and said the results are possible stroke but more testing is required and they are admitting her. We all hugged and were so overwhelmed with emotion. The thought of a healthy fifty-five year old woman having a stroke was just a shock. So many thoughts running through our minds and so many questions, so many tears it was so heart wrenching for all of us. But in my mind there was more, there was something they were missing, please let me be wrong. Please.

We went home and left them there in the dark of the night to hold each other up and wait for answers. We drove home in quiet, our minds and hearts were so hurt and in shock that we didn’t have words. I had to work and it was late, we hit the pillows and I don’t remember falling asleep but there was the 5:30 am alarm waking me up. As I worked everything was a blur and the Phone Call came from my husband.

“My Hubby” lit up my screen and he never calls me at work, my heart sank as I answered the call. I knew it was bad because he was already crying. It was the dreaded C word, the doctors found a couple tumors on her brain and they said they needed to find where they originated from. Originated from? What? What do they mean? And of course, out came the Google Doctor in me and there it was, usually brain tumors that the doctors feel are secondary will stem from lung cancer. So more testings, more CT Scans and MRI’s. More waiting. Why is this happening? Please God wrap your arms around all of us.

The biopsy was scheduled. Her daughter thought they were going to biopsy the brain tumor and I was a bit weary of them sticking needles into the brain to take a piece, just the thought turns your stomach. Well, the daughter had the wrong information and it turns out the doctors found a mass on her lower left lobe of her lung. The biopsy would later confirm that my friend had lung cancer.

The tears rolled down my cheek, my heart was broken. No one would of expected that diagnoses, but here it is in black and white. We just happened to be at the hospital when the first step in the plan was brought forward to my friend and her husband. They were awaiting the lung cancer stage, because they had to test all the markers and so forth, it could take up to three more days. The radiologist wants to start immediately on the brain tumors and deal with them before the lung treatment would be placed.

He layed out the plan, discussed a few options and they both agreed to what she wanted to do. The doctor sat and discussed all side effects, the procedure to treat the tumors and answered all of our questions. The ball was rolling and so were all the emotions from everyone. It’s a lot to take in, but it’s sounds promising. My friend is going to be in the fight of her life and although it’s scaring the hell out me, she is finding her peace with God and all his glory. Her faith is going to help her through this journey in her life, along with the support of all of us.

On September 23rd they will start the pinpoint radiation for her brain tumors. It should only take four days to complete. Today I went to visit her and there was no word yet on the stage of the lung cancer, no plan of action as of yet and I was a little concerned. So I asked once again if she knew what stage the cancer was and her response was, “It doesn’t matter the stage of the cancer, all that matters is this is my stage in life and God has me.” I know she is trying to protect us from the bad news and I get it, but if you know me….I need to know. I need to research the best plan. I need to educate myself. I need my friend to be okay. So her not telling us what the stage is, must mean it’s not good at all.

I came home feeling lost. My emotions were on overload, my heart was more broken then ever. The research has started again. The outlook isn’t great. The overthinking is in place and I’m not sure I’m even ready to hear what STAGE she’s in. Maybe she’s right. We are all in a stage in our lives and the outcome is ultimately going home to the Lord. I’m glad she Fully Relying On God for all her needs. I’m glad her faith is helping through this and keeping her strong. Maybe God really will work a miracle if you pray it through. God did save my husband through the power of prayers, he can save her too.

Keep strong my friend and I will be praying everyday for your healing. I love you more than you will ever know. Please say a prayer for her if you read this and help the healing. “Cathy Strong!” Her fight is our fight!