Unconditional Love

A few months ago I was asked if I wanted to work and I told that person maybe. Then I thought about it and was this a path I’m supposed to be on? Is this a sign from above that I really should do this? Was I TAKING A RISK? Would it be beneficial to me to be away from the house and working? If you know me, you know I struggled with the answer for a few days. Was this a good time to go back to work and leave Joe on his own? Should I take the risk of anything happening to him because I decided to work again? My mind was battling with the what ifs and I wasn’t prepared to turn the reins over to Joe and trust he could take care of himself.

Being his caregiver for four years was my job. How was I going to walk away and be at peace that he would be okay when I was gone? It wasn’t easy. It still isn’t, but I did it. I started the job knowing that it will give us extra money, that it will give me a sense of freedom. Making this decision put his mind at ease that if anything happened to him I would be okay. After 75 days it’s still not easy leaving each morning, but I do it. I struggle each minute I’m away for him, but we are both getting used to being apart.

There is a new sense of happiness by going to work and providing more to our finances, yet there is still a sense of sadness. The sadness is I know now what life will be like if anything did happen to Joe. We all know that his condition is terminal. We have accepted that outcome, because in all reality we are all here to live and then die. I know this sounds so morbid but death is a part of life and we have learned to accept what’s to come. That’s just who we are, take it as you want but we all have one life to live and here we are living it even if it’s not what we truly expected life to be like.

Walking in my shoes hasn’t been easy, but I’ve learned to be a little more grateful for what God has given us. So when this opportunity came up, in my heart I knew I was being lead on my life path and it was meant to be right now. Will I stay working? Probably. Will we struggle each day? Probably. We are putting one foot in front of the other and walking our life path together because right now in this moment it’s the right thing to do. I truly believe that all things happen for a reason so we are embracing it and pushing through as we have always done. So far, it’s been worth TAKING A RISK for the both of us and I’m proud of our continued strength to help each other everyday. Maybe TAKING A RISK is truly what we needed.