Unconditional Love

My husband has had his LVAD for four years now and he still has to explain the struggles of everyday life to his friends and family. He looks good on the outside most days and that doesn’t mean he’s able to be his old self. This body he is living in isn’t the same and probably never will be.

Just when he thought he was feeling alright about himself, he gets knocked in the gut with people not understanding he just can’t do things. It’s not that he doesn’t want to, his body won’t let him. The LVAD system won’t let him. He can’t risk being hospitalized for the little things that could go wrong.

As hard as it is to live with an LVAD, it’s just as hard to explain the limitations one has to do to stay alive with it. He tries his best to be helpful now. He feels guilty for getting sick, he feels like he’s a burden and I understand his state of mind. I understand because I’m living it with him. But most people looking in and seeing me have to do almost everything on a daily basis can be misleading. As sick as Joe was a few years ago, every little step he takes with helping out and trying his best is a big accomplishment.

The reality of all this is, if you don’t live with an LVAD you shouldn’t judge one who has too. I’m his wife and I signed up for this, for better or worse and I take my title serious. It’s who I am. And if you came and lived in our house for a month you would see, Joe does all the cooking and now he does the dishes, everything else I do because I choose too. Don’t judge my husband or myself, we are a team. We make it work and if we are okay with our life then you should be too. Being married is a full time job, but being married to someone with a terminal illness is a job with tons of overtime.

A destination LVAD can be a death sentence and it can do a number on ones emotions. We have learned the past four years that it takes a strong willed person, wife and family to get through the rough times. We have conquered more than most people will in a lifetime. We are strong, solid and willing to do anything for each other. Just wish the outside world would accept and not judge. My husband deserves to be uplifted and not feel like everyone is judging him for what he can’t do. He’s survived more than anyone one of you will ever have too in your lifetime.

He deserves CREDIT for that alone. LVAD STRUGGLES are real and something no one should ever have to endure. If you can’t be kind, don’t bother.