Unconditional Love

If you are a caregiver to a person with an illness that requires a lot of doctor’s appointments, lab visits and constant care, you usually put your own health on the back burner along with everything else. It just a selfless act that you do and nothing else matters but the care of your loved one.

Well, I did that for three years. Making appointments for myself seemed pointless all these years. I was healthy and I didn’t need to add doctors to my list too. I put my life on the BACK BURNER because I chose too. All the advice to do for yourself too went in one ear and out the other, it’s what I do best. I put the needs of everyone else first before mine.

For two weeks I’ve dealt with an irregular heart beat, feeling tired from the insomnia I’ve had since menopause and it finally got my attention when it woke me up from a dead sleep and scared me. I went to the ER and every test they did came back normal, no reflags. But it opened my eyes to the fact I need to have a physical, I need a yearly check up at the female doctor, I need a mammogram, I in fact need to make sure I’m good too. I need to stop putting it all off and just take care of myself.

Being a caregiver makes me not want to go to the doctor because I can’t have the doctors find anything wrong with me, we have enough to deal with already. In my mind I would only be adding to the stress we deal with day to day and I’m not that person, I don’t need or want that spotlight.

Well, here I am making all my appointments, getting my checkups and getting my mammogram. I already don’t like the results and I am not ready for the next phase of this OLD LIFE. This life has kicked me, knocked me down, smacked me in the face and given me some hard lessons. Once again I’m picking myself up and wiping the tears. Now, I just want to be back on that BACK BURNER simmering with no cares but for him.