Unconditional Love

Have you ever felt OBLIGATED to do something in your life you knew was not the right thing to do, but you did it anyway? This feeling of obligation had me at a crossroad in my life and looking back now I had the opportunity to walk away but I didn’t. I should of deadbolted the door and stood my ground, but the feeling of obligation took over and I turned the knob and opened the door and walked solemnly into what I knew was going to be the downfall of the family unit.

The irrational decision I made forever change things for our lives. At first, the decision was made with ill intentions. Then it became more clear that what I was doing was for the good of giving someone a place in a family unit. Bringing them in to make them feel loved and have a real family. My intentions quickly changed to the good and the more I felt that it was for the good of all of us and her. The clearer it became after the fact, that my intentions were not in the same place as the person I was letting in. When the door was open the devil appeared, I let him him in, I made a mistake and there was no turning back. I did this. I was the problem and I needed to fix it. But how?

There is no fixing it. The more I tried, the more the pieces shattered. There’s no putting slivers of what was back to that fateful day that I changed everything. The shards are imbedded forever in my soul and as I buried them it makes it easier, but there’s always a piece that slowly pushes to the surface and causes so much pain. Wishing I could go back to that day and have the courage and strength to walk out of that room and run, but I know I can’t and that’s the sliver that keeps causing me the most pain. The IF ONLY sliver always cuts you were it hurts the most. One day I’ll be free, until then.