Unconditional Love

This separation from life is so puzzling to me. The illness has driven a wedge so deep that I don’t think there’s a way to remove it. I stepped outside the box tonight and actually looked at the picture and I didn’t like what I saw. The disconnect he feels, the blame he puts on himself, the lost soul he has become, the frail man that used to be so strong is now weakened and damaged beyond repair. The SEPARATON he has to create to just cope has got to be the most difficult thing for him to do. It’s not easy to watch that’s for sure.

Alone on the chair, sitting by himself with his phone in his hand, lost in the world of technology has now become his normal. It’s separates him from the reality of life. It gives him the security he needs because the world has turn against him. The phone is his safe haven. It takes him out of the situation and separates him from reality.

He doesn’t want to be a burden, he doesn’t want people to feel sorry for him and he doesn’t feel like he fits in anymore and when he’s in a situation like that he turns all emotions off and SEPARATES from all of us. He says he fine with it, but I know deep down he is not. I’m not okay with it and the more I see it the more I separate too. He belongs and I don’t know how to fix it.

The more I try to fix things the more he is SEPARATED from everyone. Our home is the only sanctuary he has. He feels safe here, he feels wanted, he feels. He is loved here and wanted more than ever by the one person who has stood by his side from day one. I’m his only link to anything anymore. Without me he would not exist. Till Death Do Us Part. Literally.