Unconditional Love

My mind is cluttered, my heart is not in a good place and I’m lost all of sudden. I try each day harder and harder to get it together and all I do is fall apart. I’m here existing and that’s it. Is this real life? Is this what it’s suppose to be like? I need to clear my mind and it’s becoming an impossible thing to do as more things come flooding in and crowding the space I have left.

Everyone is going on with their lives and mine is standing still. We are missing out on a lot and there’s nothing I can do to fix it. They say enjoy what you have, be thankful for what you have, but how? I can’t shake the things that are cluttering my mind, I can’t find the enjoyment, I can’t live the way I always wanted too, I CAN’T always fills my head and it hurts so bad.

We are never prepared to have a life like this, but here it is and you are supposed to make the best of it, give me a break. The best is gone and you’re never getting it back. All that’s left is this clutter in your head. No one wants to be around anymore, not even the kids. Who wants to have a person who is limited in what they can do, who wants to watch someone being sick all the time, who wants a damper on their party. No one wants to watch anyone suffer or have to cater to someone 24/7, I get it. It’s not easy. It’s not easy for us either.

Watching everyone continue on with life without us is the worst feeling in the world. Not being able to a part of the fun anymore HURTS. Not knowing what’s going to happen each and everyday fills your head with all the clutter that there’s no room for happiness. I just want the clutter gone, but I know it will never be the same. I’m damage and don’t know that it can be repaired.