Unconditional Love

Today I feel at peace, yesterday was a STRUGGLE and I don’t know what tomorrow will bring. As I go through this life as a caregiver, each day is different. One day everything seems to fall in place and run smoothly. Then the next day it all falls apart. I’m trying to hold it all together and the whole foundation that is suppose to be strong is slowly diminishing away becomes my biggest STRUGGLE.

I’m battling with myself more and more. I want to be the best wife and caregiver, but most days I feel like an enabler more than anything. I want to tell him NO, I want him to do things for himself, I want him better, I want his heart to heal, I want my husband back, but instead I have to be more like a mom to him. He feels bad and expresses that everyday. He feels he ruined my life. He feels guilty, I feel guilty and there’s no fixing it and trying to accept this reality is Our STRUGGLE.

I’ve been trying to write this post since May, now you know the struggle. My heart needs to pour out in my posts, my soul sometimes can’t even continue with the writing because it’s painful. This is my outlet and even this is a struggle. Watching other people live such amazing lives really gets to me at times. Why do they deserve better? Why did they get easy street? Why did I get all the STRUGGLES for a lifetime?

The saying life is not easy….MY STRUGGLE.