Unconditional Love

PERCEPTION, it’s an ability to to see, hear or become aware of things through your senses. I stepped back from my life and seen the reality of what is truly happening. As the reality sank in, it started to take a nasty twist in my inner self. I have felt sorry for myself, been in a low no one ever wants to go and the perception of this life made me question things all over again.

As I sit and type each morning, I try to wrap my head around what is and what will be. Most people from the outside have this PERCEPTION that I’m such a strong person, I’m so creative, I’m so caring, I’m so happy and the PERCEPTION although may be somewhat true, the perception others have is what I struggle with everyday. All I wanted to do was be a good wife, mom and friend. I never want to outshine anyone and somehow who I was, has now become who I don’t want anyone to see.

When I blog here it’s to release my feelings on paper to reflect on things I’m trying to heal. It’s not for anyone to feel sorry for me. It’s not for encouragement. It’s my outliet that let’s people in to see that I too struggle with life. I’m not perfect. I’m not special. I’m me. I’m just ME.

Anyone can do what I do. You can bake. You can cook. You can create. You can be thrown into a situation and become stronger. No matter how hard you think the task is, if you try you can succeed. Everyday I try at life, most days I succeed. Some days I feel like a failure and this life was my fault. My PERCEPTION of my life is just that, my take on it. Your PERCEPTION from the outside is your take on it. Either way is not wrong, it’s just everyones way of seeing things and everyone is different.

As I struggle with failures, I also celebrate successes. I am just human like the rest of you and I don’t let too many people see the struggles I go through each day. I battle myself and most days I win. For a year I have been battling a decision I made that turn my life upside down. I have slowly been fixing the ripple effect it caused. When a ripple effect is thrown into your life, the wave of devastion can destroy so much in it’s path. I’ve accepted that this was my fault. Now I have thrown the stone to send that ripple into another directions and slowy I’m getting my life back to where it should be. My PERCEPTION is clear, my mind is clear and my life is becoming clearer every day.

Looking inward at myself and letting myself trust what I needed to see, has given me that new PERCEPTION of my life. I’m pushing through, I’m trying, I’m making better choices. I’m still lost because of that one bad choice, but I will get through this too no matter what it takes.