Unconditional Love

CAREGIVER, that’s me. My job is twenty four hours, I don’t get paid, I can’t just quit, somedays I have no sleep and being the wife of the patient has given me a whole new meaning to marriage. When my husband was in advanced heart failure and needed this LVAD, I had to agree and sign a contract because I was now being thrown into a full time job and be his wife all at the same time.

Being married and taking care of your spouse on a daily basis was easy. Laundry, dishes, vaccuming, making the bed, cleaning the house, managing the bills and yard work was my job. I loved that job. Now, being a wife and a his CAREGIVER I have to become two different persons when needed. I’m a wife who loves her husband and a caretaker who has to become a boss over him to ensure he stays on track. When you’re living both roles it can put stress on a marriage, as if there wasn’t enough stress just being a wife.

When I signed our marriage license it was for better or worse, and I signed whole heartedly and accepted my role as a wife, as his partner. Marriage is a commitment and I’ve worked hard to uphold my vows. This new commitment as a caregiver brings the term better or worse to a whole new level. Most people would walk away, most people would give up, most people can’t handle the “WORSE” and break that promise. Although I’ve lost myself in this new role, I’m still married and I’m still going to love my husband through better or worse. I chose to be married and that choice gave me my new role.

The term caregiver has so many meanings. When you hear that word, most people assume you are caring for an eldly person. I know I did, I would of never thought that would be my title. I didn’t expect at such a young age my husband would need me to be his caregiver. I could hire someone, ask friends or family, but the care would not be the same as the care I give him. He’s my husband and my responsibilty.

The job of a caregiver is endless, especially with someone who needs 24 hour medical attention. His LVAD is always going to be there. He will always need assistance. I’m here and I’m happy to do everything in my power to keep him above ground. I make sure his pills are ready everyday. Change his wound dressing once a week and make sure it doesn’t get infected. He is on blood thinners and I checked the level once a week to make sure he is theraputic. His numbers on his LVAD have to be checked daily to ensure his pump is functioning properly. He needs help taking a sponge bath because he cannot shower and sometimes he needs help with his batteries after going to the bathroom. The tasks are neverending and so is my love for him.

Being a caregiver is a demanding job, it’s even more demanding when you are caring for your spouse. I try everyday to get up early and take time for me and enjoy that window of solitude, but I don’t want to get to used to being alone just yet. Most people would hate being their spouses caregiver, but I know time is limited and every last minute is worth being here caring for him. I will definately miss my role when he no longer needs me.