Unconditional Love

The saying Walking on Eggshells has come to my mind a lot lately. It feels like more and more that’s what I am doing. Although the changes I accepted in life are needed for me, some may not feel the same. No matter what I do or say, I feel I am Walking on Eggshells.

For some reason it weighs heavy on my heart. This feeling of not fitting in, or the feeling of not being wanted and the feeling of being more like a burden to some has created the Eggshell effect. I don’t want to feel like this but others are making it real hard on us.

I shouldn’t have to constantly says I’m sorry for not being readily available. I shouldn’t have to be asked why I can’t, I shouldn’t have to answer to anyone the questions of WHY? This new role as caregiver is THE ANSWER. It consumes my time and everyone should know this by now.

The role is demanding, but we knew going into this LVAD that I needed to be with him. I knew that as his wife it was going to be my responsibility to care at all costs for him. I make time for ME in the early morning, I make time for ME late at night. He is 24/7 and it’s a decision I’ve made to see it through until the end. My time is his time and I’ve accepted the role. I want to be needed, I want to care for him, I want to make his life the best it can be and not failing is my goal.

Some caregivers see the person as a burden, I see my person as my husband, as my friend, as my lover and my whole life. I will not forsake him in his time of need and regardless of what anyone thinks I am at peace with all that has happened. Love will conquer all..

If you are looking in and saying oh I feel sorry for her, well don’t. Feel sorry for him, feel sorry that he has to struggle each day, feel sorry that he didn’t deserve this, feel sorry that his time here just became more limited, don’t feel sorry for me because I look at this whole situation as a blessing. Humble yourself and instead of worrying about what he can or can’t do, do more with him, see him more, love him more, encourage him more, be there just to say hey I love you. Time is slipping away and actions are louder than words.

We all should be happy, we all should be close, we all should be encouraging and thankful for our time TOGETHER. Walking on Eggshells should be furthest from our minds, but it’s not. It’s sad and I don’t want to feel like this anymore, it’s not me. It’s not who I ever wanted to be. If you can’t accept him like this, then you can’t accept me either it’s not fair.