Unconditional Love

Until you’ve walked in HIS shoes you should not judge. Don’t speculate the way he feels, the way he handles life now or how he should do things. No one knows the what he is really going through but HIM. I wish he wasn’t so weak, I wish he didn’t have to go through this, I wish I could make it all better, but I can’t and neither can he.

His life is now different and we ALL have to accept that. He will forever be changed. His mindset is different, his lifestyle is different, he IS different. Yes, he’s alive and still here. Yes, the LVAD saved his life. But no one in our circle knows what he has really went through physically and mentally. It hasn’t been easy for him and I wish more people would understand.

He feels less of a man, he feels useless, he struggles each day just to get out of bed. No one sees that but me, no one knows his battles with himself but me. It’s hard to share with others because it’s difficult to explain. As he sits on the sidelines and watches everyone around him doing normal things, swimming, eating whatever they want, walking around with no problems, not worrying about batteries that are attached to you, cutting wood, driving, going to work, living without medical issues, drinking, smoking and carefree, it takes a toll on his mind. He can’t do many of things and it makes him feel useless. So when you treat him like he’s a burden it hurts deep down. Walk in HIS shoes and see how you would feel. Walk in HIS shoes and try to stay positive. Walk in HIS shoes and not struggle each day.

I’m forever here for him and will always try to lift him up, some say I’m an enabler but they aren’t with him everyday. Yes, I do a lot and I’ve learned to accept that it’s going to be this way. I’ve learned that being his caregiver now he is going to need me more than ever. I’ve learned that I love this man more than life itself and no matter what I will be here to care and love him with all my heart and soul. You can look inside this house and judge what you see, but walk in OUR shoes and then you will know what you see is not at all what you perceive it to be. Life is what you make it and I’m trying to make the most of our time we have left because we really don’t know how long that may be.

Step back and really look at OUR situation, don’t judge. You are not living this life and you have no idea what is truly going on in this house. It’s OUR life, this path was given to us for some reason and we are doing the best we can. I’m sorry if you can’t understand, but you never will until you have walked in HIS shoes. When he’s gone you will wish you had treated HIM different, so treat HIM right while he is still here. I know I am.