Unconditional Love

In the stillness of the morning I hear the LVAD pump humming and it sends a calming signal to my mind. He made it through another night. His life depends on this LVAD and on me. As much as he depends on it, so do I.

I need him here, I need my husband alive, I will do all it takes to ensure this machine keeps his heart pumping. I know it’s not been easy for him and I feel selfish some days because as much as he hates this pump attached to him it’s keeping him here with me if just for another day.

The LVAD is definitely a change of lifestyle. It’s a constant worry. Are the batteries charged? is the flow at a good number?, hows the PI?, is the driveline free from infection?, is his MAP good?, is he walking enough?, drinking enough fluid to stay hydrated?, is he retaining fluid?, what’s his weight today?, did you take you meds?, praying his INR is perfect each week. There’s so much more to an LVAD then anyone will ever know. We now revolved our whole life around this machine day after day.

It’s coming up on a year that he was implanted with the LVAD and after reading so many horror stories and what has went wrong with other LVADer’s I am so thankful that we have learned to adapt and keep things going in the right direction.

His testing has all been good, a few things could be better but as we all know he was not healthy going into this procedure. His body is finally reaching a point of recovering from everything he has been through. We are hopefully that he can continue to heal and move forward. We pray for an extraction, which is only a 2% probability and hope for a transplant someday. As for now keeping him alive is our main goal.

Our world has definitely changed and we are adapting to the live each day to the fullest, as hard as it may be. He gets his strength from me as I get mine from him, together we have world. So sit I. The stillness of your morning and listen to what gives your life meaning. Have an awesome day everyone.

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