Unconditional Love

I haven’t written in awhile because to be honest I feel BROKEN. I’ve watched my husband lose some battles in life and win some. I stood on the side lines, cried, cheered, encouraged, walked on egg shells and supported him the whole time. I am here no matter what and I just don’t feel it’s good enough. I feel BROKEN.

My purpose in life was to be a wife; a good wife and a mother; a good mother. You looking in at us may say I am good wife and a good mother, but am I really? I question myself everyday. I know in my heart my family loves me, but why do I feel so BROKEN? Why do I feel like I wasn’t such a good wife or mother? The struggle lately has been so hard. I know most wives and mothers probably feel the same way as I do, but when you feel BROKEN how do you fix it?

Each day is a new day, each day I try to find peace in my world. Some days are better than others and some days I just don’t know how I will ever recover from this. But I get up each day, I do what I have to do and I keep going. I don’t have a choice. I don’t get to say I can’t do it, I don’t get to quit, it’s not an option and never has been.

I know I should be thankful each day for the blessings given to us. I know I shouldn’t feel like this, I know what I need to do and I just do it, but sometimes feeling lost in your own world can consume who you are and it takes a toll on your mind. Life is so hard especially when you’ve been knocked down so many times.

As we get older our thoughts on life change, I understand that. What I don’t understand is why did we end up with this struggle? Haven’t my lessons on strength been enough? What do I need to learn from this? Did I do something wrong on my path and this is a punishment? Why do good people have the hardest roads and the ones who do wrong always come up smelling like roses? I don’t know what I need to do. I know the saying, Let go and Let God, but come on God. I guess I shouldn’t complain, it could be worse but I feel like I failed somewhere and this is the result.

The struggle is real today and I just needed and outlet. I’ll be okay. I always am.