Unconditional Love

Did you ever feel TORN about anything in your life? I have and it’s a struggle each day to glue the pieces back together. When you’re TORN in so many aspect of life it can really make it difficult to bring things back into prospective. It makes it hard to decide what is right or what is best for your life. Life is not easy to begin with, but with issues that tear you apart inside and out it makes life so much harder.

I was TORN on some family issues that have been happening for years. I gave chance after chance and was still hurt in the long run. Yesterday we had to say our final goodbyes to a niece taken too soon and the days prior to the funeral I had to do a lot of soul searching. I knew I needed to be there but I wasn’t sure how I was going to handle being around the people that hurt me to my core.

I prayed, cried, lost sleep and was so TORN for four days prior to this funeral. I was content without them in my life and here I sat knowing I needed to be there, but talking myself out of going because of them. Then it came to me, I’M DONE with missing out on everything because of them, I’M DONE with my kids missing out because of them, I’M DONE with all their crap and I wasn’t going to let them take this away too.

As I prayed for an answer it was given to me through a quote, “Don’t ever let someone take away your joy, because it was never theirs to take.” After I read this quote I made up my mind that I was going to go and I was going to be me and they can’t change who I am because I won’t let them. I decided if they talked to me and approached me. then I would try my best to make things right again.

As difficult as it was, I needed this peace in my life not only for me but for my husband and kids too. After the hugs, tears and the relief, I still feel guarded. My wall is still up. I can move on but the hurt is still there. I can only hope that with time my heart will heal from all of this. I want to believe that with time the feeling of being TORN will eventually be mended and we can all just be family once again.