Unconditional Love

The STRUGGLE is real on some days for the both of us. Joe lost his job because of the LVAD and we are in limbo with Social Security. We struggle each day how we will make ends meet. We have to swallow are pride and count on our adult children to keep us afloat. With out them I don’t know where we would be today. They have truly been a blessing.

We not only STRUGGLE financially but physically and emotionally too. I am a very emotional person and can cry very easily, always have been. Joe has never really been an emotional person until now. This whole journey has changed him. The tears flow so easily now, he gets upset at himself, he feels useless, he hates being weak and he hates the way all of this has changed his appearance. Most days I have to STRUGGLE to keep him and myself positive, I have to keep the faith that all will work out, I have to give him all the reasons over and over again that we will be alright. Everyday is an emotional roller coaster, I just never know what ups or downs we will face.

Although emotionally it can be hard, the physical STRUGGLE for Joe has really been a strain on us most days. Since he is so weak and still can’t walk well, he counts on me all day to go get this, go get that and I can get frustrated with him very easily. I have to STRUGGLE with being patient with him as I said earlier, I know he is limited physically and we both cannot wait for the day he will be able to more for himself. He tries each day to do more and more by himself, but the more he does the weaker he becomes during the day. So finding a happy medium has really been a STRUGGLE for him.

Watching my husband go through all of this, is my STRUGGLE. When I look at him now and see how weak he looks or how he struggles with everyday things that used to be so easy for him, is really hard. Seeing his face sunk in, his bones sticking out of his skin, his frail body, the yellowing of his skin and the overall change in his appearance has been difficult to watch. I try to not focus on this most days and look forward to having my healthy husband back one day soon. I also try to remember it’s only temporary, well at least I hope it is. The STRUGGLE is real.