Unconditional Love

The MEDICATIONS are an important part of keeping Joe alive, at least that’s what the doctors say. He has quite a few to take each day and night. He takes them faithfully never missing a dose. When he was in the hospital as you all know, I questioned everything little thing including all the side effects of the MEDICATIONS. Each time the doctors or nurses would say the need for the meds out weigh the side effects. It baffles me that some of the side effects are fatal and the doctors still feel they are necessary.

That word FATAL in some of the MEDICATIONS scare the hell out of me, I’m not convinced that anyone should ever take a medicine that could be fatal. Why would you? If it’s suppose to keep you alive, then why would this word even be put in the equation. Do they even know what it’s doing to the body? Do they really think this medication is helping? Could the medication ultimately end my husband’s life? I’m not sure and yet here I am still giving him the medication each day because that’s what the doctors tell us to do.

Joe has had so many side effects that we are not sure if it’s the MEDICATIONS or complications from the surgeries. Whenever he starts to vomit, have diarrhea, feels tired, has pain anywhere or just isn’t feeling good, the first thing I, as his caregiver thinks about is the side effects of the MEDICATIONS. I immediately looked at the paperwork from the pharmacy to see if what he’s feeling could be from one of the meds. I try to pinpoint what it is, oh course I’m not a doctor and don’t claim to be but it when the doctors can’t figure out why it puts me into search mode.

I don’t know why I feel I have to do this, guess it makes me want to KNOW. I’m not a fan of any MEDICATIONS and I hate that my husband has to take so many different kinds. I hate that he is sick and I know he needs some meds to keep this pump going now, but I do feel deep down that some of the meds he has taken in the past has caused a lot of his problems. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone. We are now at the mercy of the doctors and what they feel will keep him alive.

How does one trust the MEDICATIONS when the side effects are so BAD?