Unconditional Love

Some days I try to IMAGINE what Joe is going through, what he feels, how he makes it through the day and just how he does it each day. I IMAGINE it being me with the LVAD attached to my heart and coming out of my abdomen, not being able to shower, not be able to go swimming, hooked to power, carrying around the equipment all day and these thoughts stops me in tracks. These thoughts make me thankful for the decision he made to stay with us, thankful he chose to struggle each day and most thankful he chose life over death.

As hard as it is, the LVAD saved my husband and he is alive because of it. I can’t IMAGINE life without him, although it’s crossed my mind. IMAGINE having to make a decision to change your whole world, to be incapacitated to an extent, to make a decision that not only affects you, it affects your family as well. Everyday Joe questions if he did the right thing, if he made a choice that was selfish, if maybe he should of just let be what was going to be so he wouldn’t a burden, IMAGINE if you had to make this choice and live with it everyday.

As his caregiver and as his wife, it’s a struggle to watch him feel defeated. I’ve seen him at his best and at his worst. I’ve held this man who has become so weak, when not so long ago he was so strong. I’ve wiped his tears that seem to flow more often now. I’ve talked him back to light when he was in a dark place, I’ve given him hope each time he feels hopeless. IMAGINE if I wasn’t here to be that rock he needs, IMAGINE your love one who really needs you and put yourself in their shoes, try to feel what they feel and it will make you appreciate their struggles. Be that strength for when they are weak, be that light when they are dark, be their HOPE. IMAGINE if they had no one. IMAGINE!!!