Unconditional Love

Did I do the right thing, did I just agree to SHOCK my husband’s heart? I’m second guessing my decision. I hated this. The doctors said it needed to be done and it’s not uncommon. Well, nothing my husband has been through is common. We still don’t know if he had a stroke, he still hasn’t been awake after the LVAD placement, now they want to shock him and it’s killing me.

The nurse came to the door and called us back, they had to shock his heart three times. The doctors were positive that it had worked and they would be able to lower the sedation and start to wake him up. I was excited, scared, worried and honestly didn’t know what to expect. As Joe started to come around he made eye contact with me and there he was, my husband was awake. He was alive, he was responding, he was crying, I was crying, he made it. They saved his life. The nurses and doctors were checking him out, asking all kinds of questions. He RESPONDED, he had NO signs of stroke. He beat the odds, he is a true Warrior. My husband had fought to stay with us. I felt the weight of the world lift off my shoulders. Even though we weren’t out of the woods yet, he was alive.

I placed my chair next to his bed and there I stayed holding his hand. I didn’t want to let him go. I was afraid to leave. I vowed to myself in the days prior that if he had pulled through I was going to 100% be his number one source of help. He said he was doing all this for me, well I was going to do all I could for him without question. I promised to be there no matter what, we would get through this together.

This was the beginning to a long road to recovery. There was a lot to learn. I was ready. I needed to know everything. The poor nurses weren’t ready for the likes of me. But here I was with notepad and pen taking notes, asking questions and googling every thing they threw at me. Maybe I was a little over zealous, but if I was to be his caretaker when he came home, I wanted to be well informed on everything. I should of pursued a career in the medical field when I was younger, I missed my calling. Caretaker is what I was given now and the best caretaker I will be. He needs me.