Unconditional Love

For sixteen days our emotions were on overload. We were scared, we cried, we laughed, we talked and we planned. Most of the planning was for “Just Incase.” When I say just incase, we had to be together on the same page if anything were to happen to Joe. We had no clue if he was even going to survive this. What if the doctors said he couldn’t get the LVAD, what if there was to be no heart transplant, we had to be prepared for the worst. We had done all of this 22 years ago and here we sit planning for the worst case scenario again, a funeral. Yes, this was not the first time that Joe had a run in with a death sentence. He survived cancer after being told that he probably had 2 months to live. He went through radiation and chemotherapy. He survived but had no idea that the thing that saved his life 22 years ago is now the reason his life may end.

As we sat in the hospital room waiting for the final decision from the Heart Team, we were numb. We had know idea what do. Joe had a stomach surgery in May and because the other hospital fluid overflowed his organs and caused Advanced Heart Failure, here we sit at the new hospital waiting to see if they were going to save him or send him home to die. We trusted no doctors at this point and questioned everything they said or wanted to do. I became google queen, I researched, I read, I needed to know. I didn’t care, this was my husband and I need all the information I could find to make sure that he was going to live. I made sure the doctors knew exactly how I felt, they sympathized with us and tried to make us feel at ease and safe in their hands. But I was still not 100% sure that they were doing what was best for him.

On September 25th we were told that Joe qualified for the LVAD and they would be placing it in him on the 26th. It happened so fast, we called the kids, our son was on his way home from North Dakota. Jaime and Michael made arrangements for the grandkids. We didn’t know if we could get everyone here before he went into surgery, but it happened. Joey drove all night and made it to Michigan by 4 am, picked up his sister and was at the hospital by 4:30 am. It was Joe, myself and our two kids in his hospital room. The love that was in that room at that moment was so intense, so beautiful, so US. We all cried, hugged, laughed and cried some more. The doctors came in with a full team to take him to the operating room, they let us walk all the way to the DOORS. As we kissed goodbye, I cried “Don’t you leave me, I love you!” And Joe said I promise I will fight and know I love you all. My two kids grabbed me as I almost fell to my knees. I couldn’t keep it together, I knew there was a chance I would never see my husband again. I was so scared that this was the wrong decision, I wanted to scream, I wanted this to be a dream and I wanted to wake up. But it wasn’t a dream, it was happening and I didn’t know what to do. How was I going to contained my EMOTIONS for 6 to 8 hours while my husbands life was in the hands of the surgeons, all I could do was pray.